Family & Relationship Services Australia (FRSA) National Conference 2025
Simon presented a session titled: ‘I, We, I Model for Relationship Disaffection - Strengthening connection through understanding and validation’.
The journey from marital dissatisfaction to disaffection, and ultimately to separation, is rarely straightforward. While each relationship is unique, research has identified common patterns in the breakdown of marital satisfaction. This has led to the development of theoretical models that illustrate how relationships can deteriorate over time. Although these models are insightful, they can be challenging to apply in therapy when one partner is disengaged from the other. In such cases, it quickly becomes apparent that one partner may feel detached, while the other is struggling to repair the relationship, often without success.
This presentation introduces a straightforward, accessible model designed to help clients understand how one partner can gradually become disenchanted over time. It examines the process in which one partner emotionally withdraws from the relationship, creating a cycle of conflict that may last long after the couple has separated.
The I, We, I model is based on 20 years of hands-on experience with couples and has proven effective in helping both partners understand how they came to feel disconnected and often resentful. Drawing from theories of attachment, trauma, neurodiversity, mental health, and gender socialization, this model simplifies complex ideas so that clients can easily relate them to their own experiences.
Used in the initial therapy session, it helps both partners feel heard and validated, particularly if there are high levels of resentment. The model normalises each person’s perspective, laying the foundation for ongoing sessions that aim to help the couple co-create a strong, conscious relationship. If reconciliation is not possible, the model helps individuals understand and accept the end of the relationship, which assists them through the grief process and building a pathway forward.
